7 stinky streams of seepage

It's been awhile...a lot of stuff has dribbled down reality's leg. I've been gone quite some time working on an offshore oil rig...

1. Hillary is out, Barack is in....McCain hired Karl Rove's elves to take aim at Obama and OB's campaign is taking on more water than John Kerry's Swift Boat...
2. Manny just left Beantown after taking 3 minutes to reach first base on a potential infield hit...and some Vanilla Ice type white guy replaced him in left...can we find Ted Williams' head in the warehouse?
3. Iraq, Iran, Afganistan (it rhymes) - we need to convince more members of the growing ranks of the unemployed that car bombs will be less frequent with rising gas prices...please enlist...
4. This Miley Cyrus is an economy unto herself...oh my ackey breaky heart...
5. With such dung buckets of entertainment as America Has no Talent, American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance? and the like dominating ratings is it finally safe to say that American culture has hit rock bottom? Is there an intervention or some course of action we can take?
6. Saw the Batman movie and fell asleep after the third ending with about another 30 minutes to go in the opus...
7. If John McCain's approach to campaign advertising works we're all going to have to move to France with Alec Baldwin and Ludicris...victims of the reverse race card...